Crash(es)

I'm not sure how so much time has passed since I last blogged. There has just been a lot going on. I'm finishing up my first month here at my new job. To finish the story from the previous post, I received a verbal warning for showing up late to the Houston branch and not calling into my corporate managers (although I did call in, immediately, to the branch itself, but apparently I didn't follow correct protocol by letting everyone know at corporate). The warning was then written down on paper and signed by my boss. I had the option of also signing the paper and having it put in my H.R. file or writing a rebuttal letter, but I chose the easiest option and just accepted the letter, as it was, and filed it for myself.

What's even more disturbing than a written, verbal writing within the first month of my job has been what's been going on while driving to work. I've been in three accidents in two weeks. There, I said it. All of them have been my fault and all of them have occurred on my way to work in the morning. With the first accident, I simply looked down at my phone and rear-ended the person in front of me. There was minimal damage to the hood and license plate that I took to a body shop and had repaired that day. Accident #2 occurred just three days later. The roads were wet from rain and I was driving too fast for the gridlock of Houston rush hour traffic. The car in front of me stopped and I slammed on my brakes and skidded into him. Since I was braking so hard, the front of my car actually went under the bumper of the car in front of me. The hood damage that I had repaired was compounded into a wrinkly mess of metal and red paint transfer on the front of my car.

Accident #3 was by far the scariest. I was driving to San Antonio for work. It's about a three-and-a-half hour drive each way. I was only a mile or so from my exit, doing about 75 mph in a 70 mph speed zone on a two-lane stretch of highway outside San Antonio. I looked into the passenger seat for the notebook that I had written my directions on and my car drifted into the gravel on the left-hand side of the road. I overcompensated by turning the wheel sharply to the right and braking hard. The car went into a spin. I crossed over the right-hand lane and ended up traveling in the wrong direction on the westbound freeway. My car slammed into a curb, exploding the wheel, causing the back tire on the driver's side to go flat. Thankfully, no one was in the right-hand lane when I went over and all the cars stopped or went around me. A Good Samaritan and his son put on the car's donut, which was barely drivable. I turned on the flashers and drove 20 mph to the San Antonio branch.

I was going to have the car towed to a tire dealership where I could get a wheel and a tire put on, but apparently one of the advantages for working for a distribution company that has a lot of transportation equipment is deals with guys that will come to the facility for basic repair and maintenance. By 4pm that day, I paid a guy $100 to put on a steel wheel and used tire in the branch parking lot. I was on my way home by 5:30pm, very slowly this time. The car's alignment was pulling hard to the right and there was a strange burning smell. I made it home and the car went into the body shop for the damage sustained during Accident #2 and #3.

I wish I knew what it all meant. On Monday night I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't stop racing thinking about what could have happened had there been another car in the right-hand lane or if I had a head-on collision with another car while I was traveling in the wrong direction. I had risked my own life and the life of strangers traveling on the same road. I called a crisis center. The woman that finally answered, after putting me on hold for ten minutes, thinks that I'm possibly trying to sabotage my new job. She said I should give myself the freedom to look for another job if I continue to get in accidents and have such a high level of stress that I could possibly become distracted doing daily tasks, like driving.

There is something to be said about managing my stress better. I feel like I'm finally getting into a new routine and getting used to my hour long commute, although some days are better than others. I am still exhausted by the end of the week and my school work has been suffering. I limped my way through the past module and am having a hard time completing the final take home exam for my marketing class. I'm trying to not to beat myself up about it, just realizing how high my stress level is right now. That's just easier said than done.

And Then There Are Days

Where you are probably better off staying in bed. Contrary to appearances to the contrary, I actually try pretty hard to be a professional, put together young woman that is a shining representative of her company. Then there is reality. I was tired when I woke up today and decided that once my Dad got Zac off to school that I would go back to sleep...just five minutes I rationalized. Except I can never sleep just five minutes. An hour later I woke up in a panic and raced out of the house. Guess what I forgot to take? If you guessed the medication that helps me avoid falling asleep while driving, you'd be correct. I realized this error about half way through a tour of a box factory when I couldn't keep my eyes open.

So besides showing up late, I feel asleep sitting up while watching a purchaser work her magic on the computer. Basically, I've been worthless today. Worse than worthless, bordering on an embarassing liability for the corporate office. I'm at the branch office this week and somehow can't seem to find the words: "I'm off my meds today" to describe my erratic behavior.

I have more to write about my new job, new school for Zac, and new commute for me, but I'll save that for a time when I have access to a keyboard bigger than my thumb. Wish me better luck tomorrow. I need it if I'm going to keep this job.