The Writing Spot

I feel so awkward writing in this space now that I'm officially "networking" on facebook and my personal internet life has become my public internet life. I'd like to go back writing on The Writing Spot, which is my private blog, for some private entries. Leave me a comment or send me an e-mail if you'd like an invitation to read it or if you've lost your password to the blog.

See you on the other side.

Critics

I politely call them "Haters" on facebook, but I've had more than a couple people impolitely suggest that I'm going about losing weight all wrong. The main source of the criticism comes from the amount of time that I've gone between fills. To be a "good" post-lap-band patient, I should show up at my doctor's office once every 30 days and get a fill of saline solution put in my band.

Life has a way of interrupting that process.

My first fill on April 6th of 5cc's of fluid. That is the single largest fill that a lap-band patient will receive throughout their treatment. Just imagine taking your already smaller upper stomach and basically cutting that in half. That was what my first fill was like. I had to go on liquids and pureed food for a week because it was so extreme. I had to reschedule my appointment in May because of work, you know, since I live and work about 50 minutes away from the Giant Medical Center where I got my band.

Then I went to Shanghai from May 7th - May 15th with my MBA class. Want to guess what almost every meal in China had? Rice. Want to guess what I struggle to eat? Rice. I tried to eat as much protein as possible while I was over there, but I ended up eating a lot of processed food to keep myself full without getting sick. I'm not proud. I encountered the first of several critics of my progress in China. Well, I more just heard about their thoughts regarding my weight. They never said anything to me directly or anything. Perhaps it was in response to me complaining about how I look in the photos from Shanghai.. Here's a good example:

That is my good friend, Leo, using chopsticks for the first time and eating pork leg, a local delicacy in Zhouzhang. In this picture I'm: 1) Hot; 2) Trying not to puke up rice; 3) Very pink looking; 4) Almost 1 2/3 the size of Leo.

Here's another one from the same day trip to the water city, also known as Venice of the East:

Now, it's very possible that I'm hanging out with five of the skinniest people in my program. Clicker would also like to point out that Michael and I are the only two people that are squared away to the camera and that makes us look bigger in comparison to everyone else. I would have to officially categorize these photos as me - still fat during Post-Op Week 10.

But photography is all about angles and light, no? Evidence A:

Here are two of the photos that Allen Crosby took of me during our photo shoot on March 20th, less than four weeks after surgery:

Nevertheless, my critics said that I hadn't lost enough weight. I don't know. In their mind, I suppose that it was just supposed to melt off me.

I've lost 22 pounds on my doctor's scale and I got my second fill on May 20th. The doc was worried about my last reaction to the fill and decided to only put in 1.5 cc's so I didn't start puking everything up and risk band slippage. I said that was fair, so I now have a total of 7 cc's around my stomach and it's an adjustment. For the past two days, I've been complaining that I now have two stomachs: my upper and lower. My upper stomach gets full so fast that my lower stomach is still hungry. Then I wait a bit and the food passes into my lower stomach, which usually doesn't agree that I've eaten enough and the cycle continues.

My critics can pipe down now. I'm going to go eat some soup.

Post-Op: 6 Weeks

It's been roughly six weeks since my surgery and I'm down 18 pounds. Clearly, I'm not setting any land speed records for weight loss, since that averages out to 3 lbs a week, but I'm happy. I am back to the weight I was when I was going through nutritional counseling with my hardcore nutrtionist. All of my suits fit again (pretty much) and I'm almost back into the skirts that I bought when I started work in October.

I had my first band fill a week ago. If I thought there was some restriction in my diet before the fill, it's nothing like it is now. My surgeon put in 5.5 ccs in the band - the largest fill. All subsequent fills will be 2 ccs or so. I've gone from eating almost everything to feeling almost scared to eat. I look at food and think, "Now how exactly is this going to go down?" When I find something that both tastes good and feels good in my body, I can't help but to thoroughly enjoy it and usually get seconds. Unfortunately, most of those items are junk food, which is the oddest thing. Oreos, doritos, and wheat thins taste the best to me and don't cause any nasuea or constriction after I eat.

Although I have a picture of pasta with this post, I have to be careful about the about of pasta, rice, and bread I eat. I took a pair of prospects out to dinner and had beef terrayki with white rice. I was fine immediately after dinner, but about an hour later, I kept getting fuller and fuller and more sick. I went to bed feeling sick and woke up feeling sick. It was kind of like still being drunk the day after a bender. I couldn't work and couldn't really move. I was sick as a dog from white rice. Sweet Jesus help me - WHITE RICE!

In a similar vein, I most consistently struggle with any food that combines bread and meat. Hamburgers, sandwiches, and fajitas are all fairly rough. For some reason, I keep trying to eat these kinds of food because I'm surrounded by them. They show up in my office or at school. I'm also a slow learner, so there is that.

On the upside, while I have to avoid cheeseburgers for a bit, I do enjoy that I'm rarely hungry. I don't have the constant, "Where's my next meal going to come from? Am I going to be hungry later?" worries. The food cravings are still intense, when I find myself thinking about food or listening to other people talk about food.

My next fill is in early May. Until then, I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Pimp my House

Since I have no idea what my finance professor is currently talking about (and he's been talking for three hours now and writing very complex looking graphs on the board), I decided to post to get input on potential homes that I've been looking at.

I've been renting or living with my family since my return from Mongolia in 2003. My rent has ranged from $333/month in Lebanon, NH to $935/month in Pearland, TX. My current rent is $856/month which DOES NOT include water, sewer, pet rent (really? Why does my cat need to pay rent every month if I've already paid the pet deposit? Do you have any idea how hard it is to make her do chores around the house to earn her allowance?), apartment billing fee ($4/month to get told how much I owe a month. Mandatory fee. No joke. I offered to opt out of the service and was told no). The total month check that I write to my 1970's apartment complex is usually in the range of $923/month. Property in Texas is notoriously cheap. Google tells me that I could live in a $187,500 home with a monthly payment like that.

My friend Mark that lives in W. Virgina likes to tell me how much land and house he gets for less money a month. Then I stick my tongue out at him, but that doesn't quite have the same effect since we are usually IMing. Anyways, I've been looking at buying a home for the past year. I wanted to avoid renewing my lease, but I didn't have enough for a down payment in December 2010. Picture me with a sad face here.

Here are the numbers: Price range = $105,000 - $125,000 (yes, property is really that cheap here, which makes my rent that much more ridiculous), <=3 bedrooms, <=2 bathrooms, >1975 home, 4.5% interest rate on mortgage, FHA loan with 3.5% down = $3,675 - $4,375, annual HOA dues >$200/annually, monthly payment $532 - $633.

So...I've selected three properties that could work for me, but they all need a little help. I'll include a couple of pictures and a link to the posting. What would you change about the house? Do you like it? Am I an idiot for considering this home?

338 Capehill Drive

This is the most expensive home with a list price of $124,900 in Webster, TX. I love the french doors in the Master Bedroom and the tile in both bathrooms.

Although it's a little hard to see around the paint color in the dining room and kitchen. That would be one of the first things to go in this house.

The realtor boasts that this is new paint....umm...clearly these people have never seen the show, "Sell This House!" on A&E.

16004 Eastcape Drive

This is probably the worst shot of a house that I've seen, but that makes me wonder if not as many people would go and look at it and I'd have an upper hand when negotiating. The list price is $115,900.

The maintenance fee is $295/annually, but it's a larger home at 1,595 sq ft. I heart this living room/den combination, but I'll be honest, I don't have nearly enough furniture to fill that much space.

That's also a large expanse of beige and white.

Here's the "Master" bathroom, which leaves a lot to be desired.

I can't really see under the vanity, but it looks very 1970s from this photo. It makes me wonder what the second bathroom looks like.

17310 Heritage Bay

This is the least expensive house at $109,900. The picture of the front of the house makes me wonder why the realtor didn't have the van moved, but maybe no one was home at the time. I'm not sure. I'm not a realtor. I just like to critique photos

The realtor is also VERY impressed with the tile work in this home. Almost all the photos focus on the tile and there is tile everywhere. From the floors, to the shower, to the counter top. Note the dolled up tile work in this photo.

Then there is more tile in the kitchen, in the same pattern

The tile in the bathroom looks like it was having work done. There also isn't much of a backyard with this home, but it is the cheapest.

So the big question: Which house would you pick?

12

I stepped on the scale this morning and was down 12lbs. Since I had my surgery on February 24th, that is roughly 3w1d. I'm starting to see some change in my clothes, but not a whole lot, which makes me think that the first 8-9lbs was actually water weight.

BUT, it's so nice to get on the scale now and see progress.

The Eyes Have It

Hmm...I’m not even sure what happens when I step away from the computer that long. I swear it feels like I just updated, but then I check and see that it’s been two weeks. I’ve learned some important lessons during that time:

 

• I have to always chew my food completely before I swallow. This sounds self-evident, but once you realize how much food you swallow only partially chewed, you’ll see why this was such a big lesson to learn. My little, un-filled band opening can only tolerate so much food before food backs up directly in my esophagus, somewhere in my chest. It does feel a little like what I imagine a heart attack might feel like, only there is also queasiness involved. Also, there is a lot of grabbing of my chest and gulping down air feeling like I’m being quickly suffocated under the pressure of my food

• Passing a Group 1 life, accident, and health exam does not mean that a person suddenly has a license to sell insurance or variable annuities. It means that I passed the exam. The license is applied for separately.

• I’m really slow when it comes to cold-calling businesses and individuals. Even when I try to be fast, I only get about 35 calls made before I start to wonder if I should be calling at a different time. Like Saturday. Maybe I should quit school with one module left and just cold call all-day Saturday and not go into the office on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays. Just a thought.

• I think I’ve lost 10lbs of water weight since there is no super noticeable difference in the way my clothes fit. 

• I can’t stress how important it is to get a regular eye exam, especially if you are overweight. See below for more details.

 

Those are the primary lessons that I’ve learned. In reference to #4, I went to my optometrist after a blurry spot developed in my vision in class on March 5th. I had been having horrible, horrible headaches with pain radiating from my eyes and had talked to Aunt Jen about headaches related to hypertension. She said basically that they would be the worst headaches of my life and most likely I’d stroke out before I had time to complain about how bad my head was hurting. She’s comforting, that one. Her vast knowledge of medical conditions and symptoms just makes her a little bit of downer sometimes.

 

So, I was at the optometrist and she says that my eyes are dry, but even more concerning to her, she sees visible damage to my optic nerves. Then she told me to not go back to work for the day and go immediately to the optomologist she was recommending for me. I went and had a battery of eye tests done, including dilation and vision field. The doc came in and discussed my results. There was a circle of occlusion around my left eye and large swaths of blindness in my right eye, around the periphery, where I couldn’t correctly see the small, blinking white light. Then he showed me the optomap picture of my inner eye. It turns out that optic discs are supposed to look clear, relatively flat, with well-defined margins. My optic discs look….freakish. Just imagine holding onto a balloon in the middle. Then squeeze your hand. See how the top of the balloon puffs out from the air pressure? Now imagine that happening in the back of your eyes.

 

He explained that the lack of blood into my optic nerve and blood vessels around my optic disc hemorrhaging were causing my headaches and blurry vision. The medical profession has come up with a great term to describe this phenomenon. It’s “pseudotumor cerebri” . Pseudotumors have symptoms like a tumor, without actually having a tumor. These symptoms include: headaches (check), blurred vision (check),and increased intracranial pressure (check and check). But then he said he had to rule out an actual tumor and he continued the doctor shuffle to a neurologist.

 

The next day, the neurologist confirmed the previous two doctors’ findings and ordered a MRI and MRV. He also put me on acetazolamide to reduce the pressure in my spinal fluid by getting rid of excess water. Side effects include: increased urination (check), bad taste to carbonated beverages (check – I’ve finally had to reduce and occasionally eliminate Diet Coke and beer), and tingling in outer extremities, like hands and feet (check). He said, and the U.S. National Library of Medicine concurs, that the condition occurs most often in obese, premenopausal women. My acne medication - minocycline - also has increased intracranial pressure as a possible side effect. I've stopped the medication, but haven't seen any improvement in my vision. Sometimes there is no known cause and the only treatment is to lose weight.

 

MRI and MRV were normal. My spinal tap to check for infection in my spinal fluid and to monitor my spinal pressure is being scheduled now. Cross your fingers for the best.

 

I Ate a Meatball and Almost Died

That title could be a post all by itself, but since I’m a blogger, you get the full story. I went back to work on Monday and made it basically through the day. There was the part where I had to go home and lie down for a long lunch hour, but that can happen even on my non-surgical recovery days. I blame Vicadin really. Now that the pain is more on the outside of my stomach and my abdominal muscles, as opposed to literally feeling the band tightening my stomach on the inside, Vicadin does me little good. Right now, I’m still sore from Sunday when I decided that I needed to actually take my recycling to the recycling center for the first time in months and months and months. That really wasn’t my brightest idea. Lots of bending down caused a searing pain to shoot through my right side. It’s calmed down and now only aches when I stand up and walk. It’s basically where I imagine my appendix might be, if my appendix went on a field trip to a random spot on my right side, between my ribs and belly button. Right there. That’s where it hurts.


In addition to overdoing it physically, I have to confess that I’ve been testing my gastric limitations. I was on a full liquid diet for two days after my surgery, then started sneaking in solids. Mostly there were in the form of scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese. (because soft is almost a liquid, right?), chili with no beans, and chopped tuna and chicken (because being pre-chewed is totally three steps closer to liquid than a solid in my mind). I kept drinking broth and throwing away the rest of the soup, which is fairly unsatisfying. Then on Sunday I demanded that Clicker take me to the sacred house of pancakes and let me eat one. He tried very hard and very valiantly to talk me out of it, but I wouldn’t hear of it. Pancakes are very soft! Sometimes they even fall apart when you try to pick them up with a fork. I ate two of them very slowly with some scrambled egg substitute. Then I wasn’t hungry for the remainder of the day.

I’m at work today and the office orders Potbelly sandwiches for lunch during our wholesaler meeting. I’m hungry. I ate/drank my soup around 10:30am and I don’t have any other food. Then I see a meatball sandwich on wheat bread and I think, “I can do this. The meat is ground together and the bread is wheat instead of white. It shouldn’t get stuck. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp”

Then immediately I knew that I had made a very large mistake.

Three bites into the sandwich, I get a searing pain in my chest and I have to rush out of the meeting. I started walking around the office, much like a pregnant lady with contractions. I sat down at my desk and a wave of nausea rolled over me. I got out my trash can and willed the food not to come up and upset my sore appendix site and delicate stomach. Then my breathing got a little harder and it felt like I couldn’t catch my breath, which caused me to try to breathe even harder in a panic. Fortunately, a I’ve been training for the past couple in the art of mastering anxiety attacks and I’m now a Jedi master – er- scratch that. I’m now at least able to appear normal in public. I walked around some more and felt a hard lump right at the edge of my diaphragm. I have to assume that it was part of the meatball because I don’t like to think about my tumors growing heads and talking back to me.

It took about two hours for me to feel somewhat normal again. I’m now firmly back on liquids until Friday because I’d rather drink my meals than have an aneurism and die at work from a renegade meat and some whole wheat bread. No sandwich is worth a trip to the ER. I just wish that Jello tasted better.