Still Struggling

My fear of abandonment has been well-documented on this blog. This past year has taught me to never take someone for granted because you might not get the chance to tell them everything you wanted to say. You might not get to yell or scream at them and tell them how much they hurt you.

I have a friend, whom I'll call Jory. He and I were friends for over a year. We hung out on New Year's Eve together and I liked having him in my life. He was one of the few people that would come to my work to go out to lunch. I trusted him and enjoyed spending time with him.

In early April I wrote a post about the behavior and actions of jealous women. About two days before I wrote the post I got a call from Jory's on-again-off-again girlfriend. They were definitively "on-again" when she called me. Jory actually warned me before it happened that she might call since he found her looking through his phone. She had found my number and quizzed him on who I was and what I was doing as a contact in his phone.

The call went something along the lines of this:

Crazy Woman (CW): "Hi, you don't know me, but I think you know my BOYFRIEND *emphasis not added* Jory"

Me: "Hi CW. I don't know you but I've heard a lot about you. I do know Jory. How can I help you?"

CW: *obviously a little taken aback at my lack of surprise and shock at being called by her. She probably didn't realize that this wasn't the first Crazy Woman that I've had to talk to on the phone* "Umm...What is the nature of your relationship with Jory?" and she begins to speak really fast here, like all of her words were smashed together, "You see, because he's asked me to marry him and bought me an engagement ring and I want to know who you are and what the nature of your relationship is with him."

Me: *now really surprised* "Wow....Congratulations. My relationship with Jory is none of your business."

CW: "It is my business. He wants to marry me. Were you with him last Thursday night? Why won't you just tell me!?"

Me: (thinking, "She really is crazy. Disentangle yourself from this conversation immediately) "Jory and I are friends. I was not with him on Thursday. Never call me again."

CW: "Ok" - hung up.

I called Jory after she hung up the phone, but he didn't answer. He actually never answered again. She accused him of cheating on her with me and he decided that the "safest" course of action was to prove his love and devotion to her by cutting out all female friendships, including ours. He was just gone, this person that I had considered a good friend. I never even knew what had happened.

Then Smith left in the same way, without ever saying goodbye. I didn't even realize that people could treat each other like this. It never occurred to me.

Jory called me a week ago. He and CW had broken up in showdown that involved police, kids, and a follow-up visit from Protective Services. Crazy Woman isn't just an acronym with this woman. He called to tell me how upset he was, not by the five months that had passed since he stopped speaking to me, but about losing her. He drove past the gym where they work out, saw her car, and was physically sick.

I'm supposed to understand. He's made that much clear to me. I'm supposed to understand what he did and forgive him for his trespasses. I'm still struggling with the forgiveness part. I don't really want to listen to him talk about CW. I don't really want to hear him blow off my feelings by saying, "I wouldn't worry about it," like they don't matter. I'm torn between believing that everyone makes mistakes and deserves a chance at forgiveness and protecting my heart from someone who clearly isn't invested in treating it well. I'm still struggling.