Unexpected

I can remember almost exactly when the pain started. I was in the middle of writing a state grant for substance abuse prevention/intervention services in Houston schools in February 2008. Long hours at my desk combined with hours upon hours of meetings caused my right shoulder to cramp up. As time went on, the pain moved down my right arm and later to my middle back. I never expected that the pain would get so bad that I would be counting down the minutes until I get to leave work. I've started taking over-the-counter arthritis medication and use icy-hot on a regular basis. I'm 28 going on 65. The medication was recommended to me by a guy at work that doesn't want to give up his beer for vicadin. He said that he uses the arthritis medication as a substitute. I can't get vicadin and probably don't want to be taking it on a daily basis. That sounds like a good recipe for addiction and possibly liver failure. Funny enough, the arthritis medication actually worked for a little while. Old people know some good tricks.

When everything starts to cramp up at night when I come home from school or work, I sit in a bath tub full of water so hot that it leaves bruises on my skin. That's the only way that I find any relief from the pain. Sweat drips down my face from the heat, onto the books or magazines that I read in the tub. Zac usually comes to check on me as I'm lying there, feeling comfortable for the first time in hours. I've often fantasized about taking a hot bath during my lunch hour, or even a shower, something, anything to keep from focusing on the pain that starts to demand more and more of my attention.

I woke up hurting today. Sometimes if I lay down too long my middle back, right where my ribs jut out in the back, will start to hurt. I think that's what happened last night. It's never a good sign to start the day off in pain, that just means that it will get worse as the day goes on. I've started to become almost a morning person (no, not really). Usually I get one or two hours in the morning where I feel like myself again, the person that I remember being before this started dominating my life. Sometimes I can go a whole Saturday at school for nine hours without feeling anything. Other times I'm not that lucky.

I've tried quite a few medical options for my back. I saw a family practitioner, an orthopedist, a chiropractor, and an acupuncturist. I can't afford to see the acupuncturist, but I went last week, even though my regular doctor's office was closed. I saw an older Chinese man who ordered me to stand up, with my back facing him. He tugged on my hips a little and pronounced that I was twisted. The stress of my hips being out of alignment with my shoulders was causing all the pain. Unfortunately, he didn't offer any solutions on how to get untwisted. He just put the needles in my back and hooked up the electricity. My runny nose dripped fiercely on the paper sheet underneath me. Zac gave me his cold, which has possibly twisted me more.

The pain today is going down my knees and my calves. It feels like I've been running for hours, but I've really just been sitting here. I don't know what to do. I've never really been the type to thank God for my trials or to redefine my sense of self by overcoming adversity. Then again, I never expected that I would be so young and dealing with chronic pain that has lasted so long.