When I came out in this post and declared: I want another baby! there was no caveat to that statement. No asterisk where I said in fine print, "I want another baby unless a well meaning person with good intentions convince me otherwise because I haven't really thought through the consequences of my decision yet". I came out, boldly, with pride, with my decision already made. I knew that there would be detractors. I knew that my family probably wouldn't support me. Didn't anyone think it was odd that I came out as gay and baby-ready in the same post? That I might consider both comments would be met with similar disdain?
I know I'm going against social norms by wanting another child without a partner. I find strength from my LGBT community, many of whom live every day without the support of their immediate or extended family. There are many, many people out there who live their lives every day, out in our communities and in our work places, knowing that people hate them simply because of who they love. People consider them an abomination. I exist within this world and identify with this space.
I'm trying to live my life as authentically as possible and for me, that includes another child.
I came out about having a second child and decided to blog along the way. There was never a question in my mind as to whether or not I would have another child. The only question was when and how. I'm working toward answering those questions. THAT is the process I'm blogging about.
Would this really be easier for people to understand if I went to a bar and picked up a man for a one-night stand? Could it then be considered a "happy accident where I made the best of a bad situation"? Even better, wouldn't it be great for me to form a false relationship with a man, wait until he cares about Zac and me, then drop the bombshell on him that I got pregnant "accidentally". No. That would make me a horrible person. I would prefer not to trick someone into fatherhood. I'm trying to be as responsible as possible. If Clicker decides he wants to be involved, then he will be. If I decide to use donor sperm, then I will.
Just please don't assume that you know more than me - more about my history, my family, my lack of relationship with the FOB, and most of all, don't even consider uttering one word about Zac. My decision is made. I love my family and would love to add to my family. That's all that is really going on here.
Reading > cleaning
1 day ago
2 comments:
;0)
Is this post in response to the comments made in your last? Or was there some real life stuff going on at the same time? If it is in response to only the comments, I don't see anyone comment that said you shouldn't do this. I do sense that my well meaning "It's a lot to think about" comment really set you off. All I was doing was stating the obvious, siding with you that that is a big decision to make. You have stated it is a lot to think about and you have been thinking on it for years. Please don't make me out to be saying things that I never did and implying that my words were meant in an entirely different way. I'm truly on your side on this.
I know people that have used sperm donors. It isn't that big of a deal. They own it, they did it, they love their kids and are great parents. And they didn't fly off the handle when people made comments that said it was a big decision or even when people said worse. They didn't care because their decision was made and they didn't care what anyone else thought. If you have this child are you prepared to take any sort of comment for years to come? You are right though, I don't know what is going on in your life at this same time. I'm hoping there are more factors than just the couple of innocent comments left in your last post though because those didn't warrant a reaction like this.
And B, I am a part of your history. I am your friend, or at least I was, for several years after you had Zac. I moved away and we haven't spoken much the past couple years. I hung out with you. You came to my house. I came to your apartment. I came to your birthday dinner and you came to my wedding. You were at my Bachelorette party and brought my family new toothbrushes when we all were down and out with the flu. I've seen your struggles. I knew you through some seriously scary times in your life. I talked with you when you were upset that Zac didn't have a dad and the effect it had on him and you having to raise him alone. And of course you were pissed! It is a very frustrating situation to be in. I saw how much your parents helped you and saw you through your darkest times. So, I'm not some random person that reads your blog and only has your posts to go from.
Sorry, I'm not trying to start WW3 here. I've sat on these thoughts and had every intention of not posting a comment on here again, but I've been up since 5 a.m. needing to get these words out. I am your friend B. I never meant to offend you, though sometimes true friends tell you things you don't necessarily want to hear, but that really wasn't what I was trying to do. I reread my comment and see nothing wrong, but as with anything with writing can go, you read it in a different way, and I'm sorry it came across that way to you.
Seriously, you are funny, witty, and giving. Please see this in yourself and love yourself for it B! Or shall I call you Cinnamon! haha.
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