27w 1d (84 days)

Do you ever notice that as soon as I write something on my blog, the opposite happens? Case in point: I'm not pregnant and here's why vs. Oh shit, I'm pregnant. Then yesterday I wrote about going back to work because my short term disability claim was denied and I needed to get paid while I was appealing. That was all fine, well, and good, except I should have checked my e-mail before posting (just as apparently I should pee on sticks before posting about the vacancy of my womb). My boss, very reasonably, asked for me to provide a work release notice from my doctor before I returned to work. That makes sense, right? It makes sense to me....although, that would totally screw up my claim.

How could I be healthy enough to be released back to work only to be declared to have a disability 45 days later? It doesn't make any sense and I'm sure that my Ob Gyn and Mental Health Team would agree. So I've been writing my rebuttal letter to my HMO and today I'm going to be faxing letters out to the A-Team with my short term disability number and HMO fax number and ask for them to supply additional records and notes in support of my claim.

It's going to be a lot of work, but I trusted my doctors the first time to say the right thing and that didn't happen. The wrong doctors said the right thing and the right doctors didn't say anything. So now I need to get more people involved.

I've always been good at administrative hoop jumping. There is a kind of singlemindedness determination about me that keeps me moving forward. I'll admit, though, yesterday when I realized that I would go 60 days without getting paid (since I missed the last pay period as well) I broke down and sobbed. Christmas has essentially come to a stop in my house. Santa won't be coming and Zac and I will be spending Christmas Eve with my parents. I'll package and wrap the presents that I've already purchased, but buy nothing else, except maybe a small gift for KGII (he's already bought me one). It's just devastating to feel like I can't provide a happy holiday for my family. It's also hard because although I have extremely mixed feelings about KGII, he is my family, for better or for worse.  I didn't ask if he could spend the night at my parents house and he didn't seem to want to. He said he wanted to be with "his family" if I was going to be with "my family" so we are spending another holiday apart. His parents and possibly his sister were going to come down to my house for Christmas Eve but now I have no presents to give them and no food to feed them. I'm not sure what we would do, besides stare at each other and watch television. It feels wrong to ask them to drive for close to two hours and take us out to dinner.

I also don't know how I'm going to go this long without a paycheck. I've paid my mortgage for December and I know I can pay January, but February might be tough. I've started counting down the number of days until I could potentially give birth. Provided I don't get sick, 39 weeks would be in 84 days. My HMO could take up to 45 days to make a decision on my appeal. KGII is confident (I have no idea how) that it won't take that long and I'll get paid retroactively for the time off work. I'm not so confident. I kept being told the first time around that I had a strong case and it wouldn't be a problem. Now I'm just not sure how I'm going to make this all happen.

Until then, I'll be at home, probably not leaving the house all that much. It's hard to spend money in the house unless you are shopping on the Internet or getting pizza delivered. I won't be able to continue my intensive therapy, but I'd like to continue going once a week at least.

It's only 84 days. I can do anything for 84 days.