10w 6d

The vomiting and the nasuea are finally start to taper off. Of course, because I typed that sentence, I'm guaranteed to be doubled over in pain and extreme discomfort tomorrow. I'm still fighting bone numbing fatigue, in part because of my untreated anemia. I was diagnosed anemic back in week 5 but due to some....how do I say this? gastrological problems, I couldn't start taking an additional iron supplement. As it is, I take fiber supplements and stool softeners twice a day. Even then, it's a little dicey down there. The medication I take for nasuea, Zofran, stops everything - including poop. So, right now I'm trying to slowly build up to taking an iron supplement, especially after reading my friend Melanie's post about what anemia can do to a woman later down the pregnancy road.

What I'm really struggling with is finding productive ways to talk about KGII. About two weeks ago we got in the kind of knock down, drag out fight that only two people who have history together can get it. On both of our sides, we said things that we can't take back and every comment was designed for maximum pain. I just kind of broke after that fight. I had to wall myself off from the pain and stress he was causing me. I told him that I don't need him and that I can do this pregnancy by myself, with the help of my family and friends. I had no problem leaving FOB across the country at four months pregnant and would and could certainly distance myself from KGII. So we stopped talking for about two weeks. During that time, my doctor's office called to schedule my 20 week anatomy scan (also known as the "You finally find out the gender!" ultrasound). I scheduled it for late October and because I didn't want to be alone during the scan, I invited my Dad. That's the same thing I did last time, with Zac. It made me so sad because I felt like I was repeating an incredibly difficult period of my life, voluntarily, a full eight years later. My Dad agreed to go and I cried most of that day.

As I mentioned before, it's not so much my feelings toward KGII that I'm struggling with, so much in how I can talk about them. People have very strong opinions about what is appropriate and moral for a pregnant woman to do with her body during pregnancy. One friend said I had no right to isolate KGII from the baby's medical information during pregnancy and keep him from going to the doctor's apointments because I was little more than a vessel for the child. I argued that the baby's medical information is essentially MY medical information for the next 9 months because my actions and decisions directly affect the fetus. If I decide to become a heavy alcoholic and smoker, the baby will not progress in the same way as if I had abstained. Some people feel a woman is autonomous in her body and more than capable of making her own decisions regarding her health and her child's health. Whatever end of the spectrum you find yourself, undoubtedly, you have an opinion. With my luck, you are going to feel inclined to share that opinion with me. Even when I don't ask for it or explicitly ask for you to keep your opinion to yourself. I get it. Pregnancy engenders opinions. Just be gentle please.