I Give Up. Baby Wins

This is a story about how a woman tried everything in her power to stop the overwhelming urge to throw up and failed miserably. Since I like lists so much, here's what I've tried to stop getting so sick that I think I'm going to puke out my eye balls:

• Alka Seltzer (I'm not even sure this is safe during pregnancy, but stop judging. I took it once, out of desperation)
• Pepto Bismal
• Tums
• Getting all the fluid taken out of my band, which prompted a 10 lb weight gain and still failed to stop the puking
• Sprite and saltines
• No food, only water (have you ever puked up only water. It's brutal. I don't recommend it. Eat just for the sake of having something worthwhile to throw up, that's my motto).
• B6
• B12
• Only taking iron supplements once a day
• Zofran. Not just a little zofran, like, "Holy crap, I may never poop again" levels of Zofran when my Ob-Gyn gave me special permission to take 8mg of the drug at a time every 6-8 hours. Turns out when it slows down your GI tract to keep you from puking, it slows down the entire thing.
• Ginger candy.

The ginger candy was the last straw today. I sprinkled a little bit of sugar on my raisin bran this morning and had to stop at a local Shell gas station to puke on my way into work. It wasn't even a nice gas station bathroom. Let's just say that my vomit didn't hurt the ambiance any. So when I get to work I mention to my cube neighbor that sugar makes me throw up and she said the same thing happened to her when she was pregnant. I think I actually exclaimed, "Oh my God! I'm not the only one. I totally thought that I was the only one" and such is the joy of female bonding.

She said the only thing that helped her was ginger candy which you could buy at World Market. I thought, "hmm..it's candy, but almost every pregnancy guide known to man swears by it. Maybe I'll try it". I dutifully went out at lunch at bought two bags of ginger candy. I got back to my desk, ate two pieces, and then promptly wanted to die 45 minutes later.

Since KGII works in the same building as me, I walked over to his office and handed him a piece of ginger candy. "Here," I said, while thrusting the offensive candy at him, "Eat this and tell me if you get sick in 45 minutes". God bless that man if he didn't eat the candy anyways. He almost threw it up from the burning sensation the ginger produced, but he swallowed it. Nothing. Not even a flicker of upset stomach. Bastard.

I lasted three hours with the candy in my stomach. By the end of it, I had my head down on my desk and was praying for someone to kill me mercifully. The only thing that makes it better at that point is to go home and sleep, which is what I did. Want to guess how hard it is to have a productive day when half of it is spent hunched in a chair? It's tough, that's all I'll say.

So, this is where I say to my unborn fetus: You win. I'll cut out all forms of sugar. Just please make me stop puking. I'll give you food, shelter, and safe haven for another 26 weeks, but you have to stop it with the upset stomach. I can't handle it anymore. Mercy. Please.