Pain in the Neck

For the first time in my life, I feel like my brain hasn't had full control of what is going on south of my cervical vertebrae. Most of my life has been spent dealing with what is going on in my brain, rather than what is going on in my body. My body has dutifully performed all tasks that were required of it, until seven months ago.

I started experiencing severe pain in between my spine and my shoulder blade (I'll leave the medical terminology to those more knowledgeable than myself). It was an intense muscle pain made worse by stress and long hours typing a federal grant. Usually, when I got up from the computer and stretched or went home for bath, my shoulder felt better.

Sometime around May or June, it stopped feeling better. The pain became a constant companion. I was taking more ibuprofen than I should admit to in a public forum and noticed that the pain was spreading to my neck and, most recently, down my arm and through the upper part of my ribs on the right side. Sometimes it's a little uncomfortable when I breathe or when I move in certain ways. I've left work more several times wishing that I could drive my car with my feet instead of my arm.

Finally, after months of stubborn refusal to go to the doctor, I made an appointment to see a family practitioner (mistake 1) that I had never seen before (mistake 2). On the day of the appointment, I was called and told that mistake 1 couldn't see me, but (mistake 3) another doctor that I had never seen before could fit me into his schedule twenty minutes earlier. I hung up the phone, unplugged the iron, decided to wear a different shirt that didn't need ironing, dislodged Zac from his chair and his beloved Wonder Pets, and raced off to see the doctor. When I got there, I waited in the waiting room with Zac for almost an hour. By the time I was finally see, Zac had played all the games he could with the squares on the carpet. He was bored and I was getting cranky.

The nurse that weighed me and took my blood pressure asked what medications I take. This is usually a tricky question for me because some medications are taken "as needed" and I'm never sure if I should include them or not. Just to be on the safe side, particularly since I got a son out of the last potential drug interaction that a pharmacist never told me about, I'm usually on the more conservative end of the patient spectrum and list everything.

The doctor came in and took one look at my list of medications and started freaking out in my direction. "You take too much! This is too much!!" I just stared back at the man that I had now been waiting close to two hours to see. With his wild gestures and proclamations made without any other knowledge of me, it almost seemed like he was worried that I was going to drop dead on the spot. Fortunately, I didn't, which would have been awkward given that Zac was in the room singing "Wheels on the Bus".

"I am under the care of another physician. I'd be happy to give you his name and number if you wanted to consult with him about my medication," I said because clearly I don't write my own prescriptions or just make up drug names to tell unsuspecting nurses. "No, no," he muttered, "That won't be necessary." Then he asked what I had been using to control the pain and I answered him honestly (mistake 4). I had some hydrocodone, also known as I-Love-You-So-Much-I-Wish-I-Could-Have-Babies-With-You Vicadin, from a recent dental surgery that I had been using to control the pain when it was at its absolute worst. Every other time, I used ibuprofen or Tylenol, heating pads, icy hot menthol, and some fervent prayers that I would regain full use of the right side of my body.

"You have been abusing a drug to mask the pain?" He shouted at me. "You have no idea what could happen to your body with all of these," he sneered and gestured again at the sheet of paper in front of him that listed my medications "in your system". I had had enough with this doctor. First he had tried to shame me because of the medications I was taking to treat an unrelated problem, then he says that I'm abusing medication and possibly an addict. "Well, there is no way that I'm going to prescribe you anything thing with codeine in it. You have full range of motion in your shoulder and neck. Most likely, you aren't even in pain at all, but I'll send you to x-ray and write a referral to an orthopedist if you think that you really need it."

I was crying by this point, in front of Zac, who always gets upset and concerned when he sees me cry. I had put up with the pain for so long thinking that it would go away. Now I was being told that not only would it not go away, but I had a doctor that didn't even believe that I was in pain.

So that is where I am now. The results of my x-ray were normal and I have pain almost every day. Gradually, I've shifted from being controlled by my mind and my depression to being controlled by my body. Even my eyes have rebelled. I've had two bouts of pink eye and my eyes continue to be red and irritated. On Sunday I wore contact lenses for the first time in over six weeks, but I'm back to glasses after a hard day yesterday with contacts. Most days, I want to curl up in a ball until my body decides to stop hurting. I've reached my breaking point and I don't know where to go from here.