As Caroline so aptly noticed on Facebook, Clicker went with me to my graduate school graduation in New Orleans this weekend. I invited him and since his job hadn't officially started, he came. There were some tough times, however, mixed in with all the wonderful. I feel like I'm even being disloyal writing about him because he HATES when I write about him on the internet, even though he knows I have a blog. But he's also not here right now and he's weighing heavily on my heart. My online community has been around longer than him.
So, where to start? Well, we lived together for just five weeks before he moved out, at my discretion. He felt like I was taking advantage of him and "dumping" my kid on him while I was working late and I felt like he wasn't ready to be a Dad and was being incredibly selfish. We parted ways. But, it wasn't that easy. We stayed friends. Best friends actually. He got an apartment in the suburb that I live in. I helped him move and study for his Series 7 exam.
I decided that I needed to date right after he moved out. I was much more cautious this time and met only three men and two of the dates ended horribly. One ended so badly I wondered if I should press charges, but I ended up escaping safely. That morning, I called Clicker. He came over and held me and told me that men should not treat women like that and being in his arms felt so good and safe. Almost without telling him, I decided that I wanted to date him exclusively again. We fit. We know each other so well.
Just one problem with this scenario. While I was being self-centered and focused on dating other people, he had also joined an online dating site and was texting and talking to close to 5-8 women. At first, he didn't tell me about them. We just kept hanging out and acting like everything was normal. Then it started coming out. I realized that he met one of them for a date, while still technically dating me (although not exclusively). Don't worry, if this seems complicated, it's because it is.
He lied about seeing the girl. Now he's back in Huntsville and plans to see another one of his women. He's asked for two weeks to make a decision: either he will decide to date one or more of his women, or go back and date me exclusively. I told him that he was gambling that I would even be around in two weeks, but let's be honest here folks, for those of you that read me back in the notsopregnant days, have I ever held to any of my boundaries with men? Ever? Yeah, I can't think of any times either.
Here is where you come in with some advice. If you were me, would you wait the two weeks with the hopes that he will come back to me? After all, I went on several first dates. They just happened to be monumentally horrendous, but I did go out on them. Isn't it fair for him to date. He says he wants to see what is out there. Or, do I listen to that little voice in my head that's saying, "You are too great for anyone to let you go, especially if they are out trying to find someone better." Don't worry, that voice is easily squashed so don't let that influence your advice.
So come on, you gotta let me know now, Should I Stay or Should Go?
Not how I expected my morning to go
6 days ago
5 comments:
First of all, congrats on your graduation!!! What an awesome accomplishment.
Second...I think it said a lot that he wanted to spend the whole weekend with you for your graduation.
I wouldn't sit at home and wait for him to make a decision, but when he does come back in two weeks I think the two of you need to have a real heart to heart and decide if you are going to stay together or just be friends.
He seems to make you very happy and I think he is very good for you. He has been there by your side during some very difficult times and I think he really loves both you and Zach.
I agree with Caroline. There's obviously something that draws the two of you together, whether it be romantic or strictly friendship.
If you are interested in someone else, go out and have some fun while he's doing his own thing. But when he comes back, the two of you need to really talk and figure out where you stand. You can't put your life on hold waiting for him to decide to stay with you, but if there really is something more there, I think you guys need to decide together to give it another shot.
It sounds like living together and taking on the responsibilities of a child maybe scared him a bit. He has to decide whether he's ready for that kind of commitment or not.
It's nice that I still have two (of my favorite) blog readers. Both of you are forgetting a couple of points, however: 1) I don't really keep people on speed dial just in case I'm suddenly single. You're overestimating my ability to secure a date; 2) I'm still fat. Yes, I've lost 35 lbs, but I'm still way beyond "average" or even a generous "curvy". Not everyone appreciates a body like mine (and now I sound like George Michael - screw it, it's been a long day). Just saying, I'm not really a dude magnet.
I have to agree with Caroline and Dee as well. You obviously have a connection with Clicker but at the same time, you can't force a relationship. I'd give him these two weeks but then that's it. It's either shit or get off the pot time. Either a relationship is fostered and grows or he isn't the one.
And congrats on your graduation!!!
Speaking as a fellow fat chick, PLEASE don't let that be the only thing that makes you wait for him. Let him look. If he wants you, he'll be back and you'll know because he wants YOU. If he doesn't, he's an idiot and you're better off.
I've learned my own personal lessons about hanging on to someone, and they didn't end well. You're worth more than that.
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