32w 1d (Best and Worst)

It's been a little while since I've written because my 31st week will go down my pregnancy as my best and worst week.

First the best news that overshadows everything else: my short term disability appeal to my HMO overturned their original decision. I have been approved for short term disability dating back to November 2nd! By far, the best, best news that goes along with this is that I go back to employee benefits including health insurance. On COBRA, my health insurance was $350/month. I had to ask for help paying that for December, January, and what I thought would be February. But since I've been approved (and effectively over payed for two months), I'll have a health insurance "credit" from here going forward. I can pay for February and March's health insurance myself :)  It's really brought into focus how much I've taken my employee benefits for granted up to this point. I've always assumed that, of course, I would have health insurance and a 401k. I didn't know how much I valued that security until it was gone. I got the call on Friday at 2pm while waiting in my psychiatrist's office and I almost jumped for joy. I was told that the HMO will call me within 48 business hours and detail my payment plan. This is just so, so good for my family, me, and the baby.

Now for the worst news, my blood pressure spiked suddenly while I was in group therapy. I could literally feel it happen. My wrists, fingers, calves, and toes started to swell noticeably and suddenly I could barely move my watch or ring. It felt like I didn't have enough skin to cover those parts and I would split open at any moment. I drove myself home and immediately took my blood pressure. It was 158/98. Not the highest that it could be, but certainly well within the risk category for preeclampsia and stroke. I called my doctor's office and they told me to take a dose of the blood pressure medication they prescribed me and lay down for 30 minutes, then taken my bp again. My blood pressure went down to 130/90 and I was told to rest more and drink more water. The next day, the same thing happened, only when I went to retest, my bp hadn't come down far enough - it was still 140/100. I called the doctor again and was told that I could take the blood pressure medication once every eight hours or three times a day. Considering this bp medication bottomed out my bp when I took it twice a day, I can't imagine what taking it three times a day would do. I've yet to take it that much.

I'm also still really struggling with vomiting, nausea, and heart burn. Even at 31 weeks, I usually puke 1-2 times a day. I try to stay as hydrated as possible, but it's just hard. I'm so tired of puking. I implemented a "mind over matter" campaign to see if I could do deep breathing exercises and distract myself when I felt like I needed to puke. It didn't work. I lasted four days before exploding. KGII and I end up eating out in restaurants a lot because I'm too sick to cook and he pretty much refuses to most days. I can eat about 1/4 - 1/2 of my meal before I start getting sick. Most of the time I just take the food home so it's not a big deal, but when I'm really feeling sick and the baby is doing somersaults inside me, it feels like I'm being assaulted at all angles.

As of today, I have seven more weeks to make it to 39 weeks. I'm not sure how long I'm going to continue going to group therapy since it makes me tired, but in a weird coincidence, there is an Ob Gyn in my group. I feel safer being in that space just knowing that he's there. I'm really thankful that I've been allowed to restart therapy, even when I couldn't afford it and was allowed to go for free.

Finally, a huge congratulations to ss and s who had their baby girl Zia on January 14th! She's beautiful and I'm so happy for them, even though I feel like I'm falling behind the child birthing curve considering all my friends have had their babies before me. Soon it will be my time and soon I'll get to meet Baby Bean.