It All Goes to...

They warned us in orientation that if everything could go bad at once, it will. That thought flitted through my mind as I was hunched over a hotel toilet in the early morning hours in Wilmington, DE over the weekend.

It seemed like the worst possible time to go on vacation, even though I knew that I couldn't miss AEP's and Liz's wedding. My grad program had just started and I had just finished the first week of class. I found out that the second week of class required me complete a 5-7 page paper based on an interview of a leader and a quiz in microeconomics. In addition to school work, my actual job had exploded on me. I was asked to be part of a team to create a mental health program to address behavioral and emotional disorders on school campuses. Writing it out like that makes it sound easier than it is, considering the team has never created a program before and I haven't ever written about the finer intricacies of mental health, mostly because I don't work in the field. I can't describe the difference between cognitive behavioral therapy and psychodynamic therapy and why one model might be more appropriate to at-risk Hispanic adolescents than another. Every day at work was another round of meetings where we tried to hash out the details of the program. I was chosen as the person responsible for writing the first draft of the proposal, even without any clinical expertise. Somehow being a grant writer is supposed to make me adept at technical writing in any given field. I haven't exactly figured out how that works.

So, I was already checking into work every day and answering phone calls on vacation, in between trying to write a paper for my leadership class and catch up on economics reading. I was already the leader of Team Stress, getting sick just made it that much worse. Actually I take that back. What made it worse was getting sick in a hotel room that I was sharing with three other people. That was the worst part. There was nothing I could do to make myself feel any better and I knew I was waking up my friends every time I got sick.

Coming back home, I was still shaky and my throat hurt from getting so violently ill. I had to jump back into work and spend hours working with the clinicians on a draft of the proposal. I'm able to take a breath today, which is a nice change. I need to finish up my paper and get some grasp on the economic problems we were given before the quiz on Friday.

My thoughts keep going back to the wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony between AEP and Liz, held outdoors at AEP's parents' house. As predicted, I cried the whole time, actually starting during the signing of the ketubah before the ceremony and not ending until I filled my plate with prime rib. I wish that I could say that I cried out of the beauty of two people expressing their love for one another, but that wasn't why I was crying. I started crying realizing that without AEP in my life, I might be in a very different position right now. She's so significant in my life that I reached out to her when I was very sick, even without realizing what I was doing. Her concern and love has been such a constant in my life that it seemed natural for me to call her when I was at my lowest, if only because she asked me to. It was AEP that called my Dad and got me the help that I needed. I'm not sure how I can ever be grateful enough for that.

Thinking back on the relationship and friendship between AEP and me, I can vividly remember every city that we've been in together. We've criss-crossed America and parts of Europe together. The last time I was actually in Wilmington was when I was five months pregnant and had to attend an AmeriCorps training. She picked me up from my hotel and drove me to her parents' house so I could rest. I ended up falling asleep on the couch outside the kitchen as baby Zac moved restlessly inside me. It's moments like those that kept jumping to mind over the weekend with AEP and Liz.

I know that AEP and Liz will love and take care of each other with all of their hearts. I wish them the best of luck as they continue to build their life together.