11w 6d

Who the hell was I kidding with that last post? I've been dying with morning sickness throughout week 11, going home from work sick on Monday and then out mot of Wednesday for genetic counseling and testing. After a very long ultrasound to measure the amount of fluid behind the baby's neck, we left with another appointment for yet another ultrasound (that will make number 5) because the baby wouldn't roll on its back or stomach to get an accurate measurement.

Most surprisingly, KGII went to the ultrasound with me. I had completely walled myself off from him after our brutal fight. I told him I would tell him when the baby was born and the he would hear from the attorney general's office. But then about a week ago, he contacted me and apologized for what he said and said he was sad that we weren't talking. Slowly, we started talking again and I invited him to the ultrasound. What's funny is that this is his first child and he's never been exposed to any prenatal reading or information. He was shocked to see the baby move it's arms and legs and switch positions. I knew from an early ultrasound with zac that babies move in utero. It was just funny to see his shock.

There is no easy way to describe my feelings toward KGII. I'm still incredibly angry at him, but I care about him and don't want to take experiences away from him with our child, even before it's out in the world. It's just very complex.

In the meantime, I would pay money to not feel like I'm going to throw up. I've also caught a bit of a cold and I'm coughing. It's Labor Day weekend and I haven't left my bed much. I'm ready for my second trimester and to start feeling better.