14w 1d

These past couple of weeks has made me remember why I started my blog in the first place. People tend to ask the same questions over and over again during pregnancy, which isn't to say that the questions aren't heartfelt or genuine, just that the awkward questions get even worse over time. No one seems to ask me what's really on my mind, like, "How's that constipation going?" or "Why do you think people don't regularly kill or maim overly emotional pregnant women? (answer: I have no idea)"

No. I never get these questions. I could give thirty minute soliquies on both of those questions. Instead, here are the questions that I do get:

1) What's going on with KGII?

He moved back to town to be close to me and close to the baby. Good intentions, just poorly executed. His job doesn't pay a salary, which means he's living with me for the time being until we figure out something else. He's commission only and doesn't have anywhere to stay since his parents live out of town and his job is in my suburb. Actually, let me be more specific. His job is across the hall, in the same building, as my job. I saw him today when I went to the bathroom for the 40th time. It was weird. His plan is to move into a RV on a state park that's close to here (I think. I try not to get caught up in the details). He's been cooking some and cleaning a bit. He spent more than a couple of nights on the couch after the stunt he pulled where he woke me up in the middle of the night because I was taking up too much of my own bed. Most of the time, when I'm not screaming at him, I don't....hmm...I don't know how to describe this emotion. I can only describe how I feel about him in the negative: I don't hate him, I don't love him, I don't want to kill him constantly (only periodically), I don't want bad things to happen to him, and I don't want to provide for him forever.

2) Why are you wearing a wedding ring? Did you get married?

(Is it all hands or are mine particularly ugly? That's actually embarassing to post)

 

 

No, I didn't get married. Far from it. I'm incredibly single right now, but I work in a very conservative industry and have frequent conversations with very conservative people. This isn't my first time being pregnant in Texas. I know how this rodeo works. When you start showing without wearing a wedding band, you get a lot of awkward questions like, "Are you married? What does your husband think about your pregnancy? Oh, you're not married. Well bless your heart. Do you still talk to the biological father? No...oh. Well, I'll keep you in my prayers. I can't imagine being a single parent".

 

Yeah, if one single piece of jewelry could get me out of that conversation for the next, I don't know, twenty years, then sign me up. Here's the thing though: I've never worn a ring, for any reason. I had a high school class ring that I wore for a little while right after high school, but I've never been given a ring by anyone. Wearing this ring is like wearing my own personal albatross. It feels like a burden. I can't seem to forget that I have it on like I do with necklaces or earrings and it feels like a glaring reminder of my own personal failure at romantic relationships. Am I putting too much significance on a damn ring? Absolutely. Will I get used to wearing it? God, I hope so. Right now I wear it as often as I wear a bra - basically every time I leave the house and not a second longer.

 

3) Do you have any baby items yet?

 

Yes, but only because I'm neurotic. KGII set this up over the weekend while I puked:

 

 

and it was so much more expensive than the free crib I got for Zac to sleep in. When I look at it, I just see a baby jail. It just looks like a prison for infants instead of a cozy bed. Maybe I'll feel differently once I get the bedding in and the rest of the nursery set up, or maybe I'll call it the "pokey" every time I put my kid in it, which could be fun too.

 

4) Are you showing? How much weight have you gained? Are you still getting sick?

 

Answers: It depends, too much, and yes, way too often. I feel like I'm not showing if you don't know me, but wow, overly large maternity makes me look huge. I would contend that everyone looks pregnant in maternity wear, even if they aren't. To get a shirt that accomodates my National Geographic boobs, the stomach fabric flaps in the wind. Same with my hips in pants. When I'm wearing regularly clothing (which has gotten a little tighter now and more uncomfortable recently) I don't look pregnant, I just look fat. A woman over the weekend asked when I was due and it made me happy because at least she didn't think I was just chubby around the middle.

 

Since all the fluid is out of my band, I've gained a lot of weight. Like, a freakish amount in a short amount of time considering I was struggling to put on a couple of pounds the 12 weeks before. See also: I look chubby around the middle and my face is getting rounder.

 

My morning sickness is now actually that: morning. sickness. I throw up almost every or every other morning. Usually by the afternoon I feel better, unless I've made the mistake of eating something sweet. Apparently, this baby thinks sugar (even naturally occuring sugar in fruit drinks) doesn't agree with it. No cookies, cake, brownies, donuts, or ice cream. All of it makes me throw up, usually within 30 minutes of eating it. This is especially compounded because I crave sweet food in the morning and because I'm an idiot I keep trying to eat the sugar. "Surely by now I've outgrown this phase of pregnancy," I think while eating sugar rich food, and then I remind myself, violently, that I haven't while hunched over the toilet.

 

That's all I've got, folks. Check in with me next time for my rousing rendition of "I think my baby hates me" also known as, "Second pregnancies suck".