15w 0d (Done?)

I basically crawled my way through my first trimester. Between the fatigue, nausea, vomiting, and lack of pooping, it was difficult at best. I am finally starting to see a little bit of reprieve, although I'm still hormonal and "challenging". Basically, I don't want to live with myself most days and I would swear that my son is raising himself. I have no idea how anyone is pregnant with a toddler or, God forbid, another infant. The only way my life works right now is because Zac is seven and can mostly get himself ready for school in the morning and bed in the evening. I love eating, but the act of preparing food makes my stomach flip. Zac eats a lot of microwaved meals, that's what I'm saying. I was never a chef to begin with, but it's ridiculous now.

I'm a pretty, pretty princess now. When I was 23, I had no idea what was happening to my body and I relied heavily on my parents. I lived with them and they took care of me. I'd give my dog to have my parents take care of me right now. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen. Maybe I would consider having more children if I could live with them. Which is both pathetic and sad.

Basically, I've been thinking that this might be last kid. I feel so old. I'll be 32 by the time Baby Bean comes out and that's just significantly older than being in my mid-20s. Before I got pregnant, I didn't understand when my sister said she was too old for kids at 34.. I thought I wanted a three kids and even considered being a surrogate if the situation was right. What the hell was I thinking? Clearly, I had no idea the demands that I child would put on my body and my life. Typing these posts are getting difficult for my pregnant brain. I'll leave it to your imagination how much my work has been suffering.

I don't know if I can go through another first trimester. I feel done with gestating, but I feel like I should consult someone about this decision. There is just no one in my life to consult. FOB would get a vote on this when hell freezes over. KGII can't help me with the kid I've currently got, let alone one or two more. I can't imagine what would have to change in our relationship for me to expand my family with him. My parents want me to be happy and self-reliant. I can't imagine myself asking them when I've never consulted them on child bearing decisions in the past. But like I said, I feel premature making a decision that will grossly impact a future partner by myself, especially since I could potentially have kids for another decade or so.

So, Internet, this is me...consulting you.  Scary, I know. Am I too young and too single to make a permanent decision about my fertility? Or is just a little too easy for me to get pregnant and taking steps to ensure that it won't happen in the future is both practical and understandable given how challenging I'm finding my second pregnancy? Do I make a decision now for my life or do I leave myself open for a future possibility with someone else?